There's Nothing More Important than Family, chapter 15

I don’t eat. I see them roasting the rabbits on the fire I built. It angers me. When they’re cooked, I take them both from Nathan’s hands and throw them as far as I can down the mountain.

“What the heck, Zania!” Nathan cries. “Those were perfectly good rabbits!”

“You have the nerve to actually eat them?” I sputter furiously. “They just cost Maria her life!”

It’s dark, but I can just see him roll his eyes at me in the firelight. “You’re seriously still angry about that?”

Breah intervenes. “Nathan, we have enough food to last us all at least two weeks. It doesn’t really matter.”

“It was still food! What if we lose our packs?”

“Then the rabbits would be in the packs, and we’d have lost them too.” Breah says.

Addalie explains to Nathan, “She’s just traumatized. She’ll get over it soon enough.”

“Tomorrow, we can hunt and gather some more.” Jason suggests. “I’m tired of dried food anyway.”

Nathan sighs. “Zan, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t realise that all she wanted was her rabbits back.”

“It’s nice to know that you’re sorry,” I say, “But isn’t it a bit too late now?” I look at the four of them solemnly, then retreat to the tent and hide in a sleeping bag. I’m out like a light.

Maria visits me in my dreams. Over and over again, like a broken record, I see the sword pierce her body and I feel the warm, sticky spray of blood on my face. Her eyes become vacant and Nathan throws her to the side. Again and again and again. I hate it, it’s making me insane, and I know it. Just when I’m sure I’m going to break, the image changes. Now I watch Vella stab Georgie over and over. Its horrible how Vella makes sure her hand fully enters Georgie’s body before she pulls the knife back out again. Vella’s hand is soaked. The blood splatters unpleasantly from Georgie’s wound. When that image stops replaying, I see myself standing in my room, with the victor’s crown on my head. I see the charred remains of my token on the ground, and I know I’m dreaming about me, after winning the games. The ghostly figures of Georgie and Maria stand before me. They look much prettier than they did in real life, but they also look dangerous and powerful.

“All I wanted was my food.” Hisses Maria.

“I didn’t kill you!” I exclaim.

“You should’ve stopped him!” she argues. “He would have listened!”

“It’s not my fault!”

Georgie sneers, “What about me, then? If you would’ve run like the rest of us, like any normal human would’ve, I might still be alive! I had to save you and look what happened! I died for you!”

“I didn’t mean to, I swear!” I cry.

“Oh, yes.” Maria mocks me. “That helps me so much now that I’m DEAD! Yeah, you’re apology did so much to help me beyond the grave.”

“What do you want from me?” I bawl. I’m terrified. I know it’s a dream, but I can’t handle it. It is my fault that both of them are dead.

Suddenly, they both grow fangs and attack me. I wake up in a cold sweat. My face is stained with tears. Nathan, Addalie and Jason are staring at me warily. I’m in the middle of the tent and they’re pressed against the walls, giving me plenty of room. I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and bring my knees up to my chest. “You staring at me like that doesn’t help me at all.” I whisper.

“You were thrashing around. Every time we tried to lie down and sleep, you’re arm would come out of nowhere and hit us in the face.” Nathan replies.

I groan and ask, “How long did I keep you up?”

“Only an hour or two.” Responds Addalie. “Don’t worry, we’re not tired.”

Jason puts his hand on my shoulder slowly. “Are you okay?” he asks me quietly. At least he’s not pretending everything’s okay, like the other two.

I nod. “I’m fine. Just a nightmare, that’s all.”

“Understandable.” He tells me. “Do you want to tell me what it was about?”

“Georgie.” I mutter. “And Maria. It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not.” Jason assures me. He looks at me with bright green eyes. “We’re in the Hunger Games now. People are going to die. You need to stay strong mentally to make it to the end. Can you do that for me?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Zania, do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think I’d lie to you?”

“No.”

“Then listen closely. It wasn’t your fault. None of it, okay? I know it’s hard seeing someone die right in front of you, but you’re tough. You can get over this, I know you can.”

“I’ll try.”

“That’s what I like to hear! Now let’s go get something to eat.”

“What time is it?” I ask quietly.

“I have no idea, but the sun is rising, so fairly early I guess.”

I sigh, and the four of us climb through the tent door. Nathan is avoiding my eyes guiltily. Breah is sitting by the door, and her eyes have dark circles beneath them.

Jason puts his hand on my shoulder again and mumbles, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Aren’t we talking now?” I mutter back.

“You know what I mean!” he cries, and I laugh. “You’re being hard on Nathan.” He tells me.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this isn’t his fault either. He’s just trying to keep you alive. This is really difficult for him.”

“How is this hard for him? That makes no sense.”

“Duh.” Addalie giggles. “Open up your eyes! You are the most important person in the world for him. I mean, he’s willing to die for you!”

I look into Jason’s sincere eyes. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

“I’ve been kind of a jerk to him then, I guess.” I whisper.

“Yeah, a little bit.” Jason says honestly.

“I feel really bad about all that.”

“Then apologize!” Addalie instructs me softly. “He means well, you know.” I smile and nod, but she rolls her eyes and pushes me towards Nathan.

I stumble on the uneven ground and march up to my brother. “Hey.” I say awkwardly.

“Hey.” He’s still not meeting my gaze.

“I talked with Jason and Addalie.” I say. “I’m really sorry I’ve been on you. I’ve been a jerk.”

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have killed her.”

“Nathan, I was just scared! Otherwise I wouldn’t have said that to you. Jason told me you just wanted to protect me.”

“That’s all I’ve wanted to do. Since we were little. Ever since you fell out of that tree and broke your leg.”

“That was so many years ago!” I cry. “I was four years old!”

“I was supposed to be watching you, and I didn’t pay attention. You could’ve broken your neck. I felt so bad after it happened.  I promised myself I’d make sure you never got hurt again. You were crying so hard.”

“Never get hurt again? Never is a long, long time, Nate. I’m going to get hurt eventually.”

“Now you see the flaw in an otherwise perfect plan.” He chuckles grimly. “You’ve already been hurt at least twice in this arena alone, and that’s just the physical. I’ve hurt you mentally already too.”

“It’s alright; it’s not your fault.” I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot lately. I slide under Nathan’s arm and let him hug me. He holds me close and pats my head reassuringly. I see Addalie wink at me from across the campfire, and Jason gives me a thumbs up.

“Let’s try not to get you any more battered than you are already.”

“Well, we can try to keep me safe, but that will take some serious work.” I joke. He pushes my arm playfully.

We spend the rest of the day hunting and gathering in the forest around our site. I feel so much more carefree now that Nathan and I are on good terms. I gather berries of the bushes. I don’t recognize them, but Breah assures me that they’re safe. I stay close by Nathan, who fills the water bottles back up again. I don’t know where the other three are, but I assume they’re hunting for food elsewhere.

When we’re done, we have a couple birds, a rat and an abundance of water. True, it’s not a giant haul, but we still have tons of food from the Cornucopia.

Today was uneventful. There were no deaths, and no fight, as far as I’m aware. The Capitol audience will be getting bored. I wonder what the gamemakers have in store to spice things up. Whatever it is, it isn’t good.