I wake up slowly, ever so slowly.
Where am I? Am I dead?
No, I can feel my heart beating. So where am I?
"Bruce?"
I hear a familiar voice, soft but strong. It's my mentor.
"Bruce, are you awake?"
I try to sit up, but I am strapped down. I open my eyes slowly, the first thing I see, is a white ceiling.
I turn my head slowly.
"Mags?"
She smiles. Her face looks strained, like she hasn't had enough sleep. Her white hair is pulled back in a braid.
"Hello Bruce. How are you feeling?"
I blink several times, and rest my head back on the pillow.
"I don't know...did I win?"
She nods slowly, not saying anything.
"That's funny, I didn't hear the announcement when I was in the arena..."
Then I remember.
"Mags...one of us had to die...I stabbed myself, I remember that."
She avoids my gaze.
"Mags."
She doesn't move.
"Mags...where's the baby?"
She slowly moves her eyes, so that they are locked with mine.
"He didn't make it out of the arena."
A pain worse than anything I've ever felt shoots through me. I don't remember anything after that, except I had bruises where the restraints cut into my wrists.
I did everything they told me to, I submitted to their cruelty, and they repaid me by letting me live.
I briefly remember part of the victory interview with Caesar Flickerman.
"So Bruce, how does it feel to be a victor?"
I stare at the floor, ignoring his question.
"Well, you sure are different then the charming, easy-going guy you were several weeks ago."
I slowly raise my head. My eyes have been bloodshot from crying and lack of sleep. I answer him in a low voice, dripping with malice.
"Well, the games change us all don't they?"
He laughs nervously, and I don't remember the rest of the interview.
I do remember arriving home, finding out that my mother couldn't handle it anymore, I was informed by one of our neighbors, that she was found in our living room, a rope around her neck.
I envy her. She has found peace, while I am stuck here. Wanting to die, but not being allowed to.
Why shouldn't I die? I have nothing to live for now. Nothing is keeping me here.
The days drag by into weeks, which turn from months to years.
It was about five years after my games, I had just turned twenty-three, and grey has already begun to streak my hair.
I was walking down a back street, just walking. I remember passing the community home, and glancing briefly into the fenced yard where all the boys where playing.
I pass the fence, and keep walking. Then I freeze, turning slowly around, I walk back to the fence, and lean against it, searching intently. Then I see what I'm looking for.
A small boy, standing alone in the corner of the yard. His bronze hair falls in thick waves around his ears, and his skin is a soft golden, slightly darkened by the sun.
He watches in terror, as two boys slightly bigger than him, walk up and knock him to the ground. They walk off laughing, and the boy gets up slowly, his hair tousled.
I catch his gaze, and his sea green eyes lock with my grey ones.
My eyes flicker slowly up to his forehead. Where his hair is pushed out-of-the-way, is a small round birthmark, right above his left eyebrow.
The boy drops my gaze, and shuffles slowly back inside.
I stare at the closed door for a while. Then I take off at a run.
I don't stop, running full speed all the way to victors village. Passing my house, I run up the front steps to Mags house, and throw the door open.
Mags is in the living room, reading on the couch. She looks up in surprise.
"Bruce..."
"Why didn't you tell me!"
I roar, quivering with anger.
She looks confused for a minute.
"Felicia's child is alive! And you didn't tell me?! You lied to me!"
She closes her book, and sets it down on the coffee table.
"Sit."
She says in her commanding voice, I know she won't talk until I do, so I stomp over and plunk down on the other end of the couch.
"I did it to protect you, and him."
I'm about to interrupt, when she raises a hand, and cuts me off.
"Let me finish. After you passed out in the arena, there were orders to retrieve you, and leave the baby. A medical team was waiting in a hovercraft, and they were there in less than a minute. I was waiting back in the capitol, and you were immediately rushed to the medical center. One of the doctors held back, holding a large medicine bag. She ran over and handed it to me quickly, then ran off to join the others. Inside, was the baby, and a note. ~I couldn't leave him, take him back home, and take care of him. No one must know.~ I had a trusted friend take him back home, and take care of him until I returned. I lied to you, to protect both of you. If anyone knew the baby was alive, he would be guaranteed to end up in the arena. If you had taken care of him, even if no one knew it was the same child, they would use him against you. I did what I had to do for the best."
I cover my face with my hands, then run them through my hair.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
She sighs,
"I couldn't have you getting close to him. If you start to pay him any attention, the capitol will use him against you. As it is right now, they have nothing to force you with, no leverage, but the minute you start getting close to that boy, they will threaten him."
I stare at her.
"So I have to pretend that I don't care about him? He's my best friends son!"
She nods.
"I know, but if you really care about him, you will do this to protect him."
I sit in silence for a moment, letting everything sink in. I stare at the floor.
"What's his name?"
She says the name strongly.
"Finnick Odair."
I snap my head up.
"How did you know what Felicia named him? No one knew except me."
She smiles,
"When I told you he died, you shouted out his name once, no one knows except you, and me."
I smile.
"Finnick. That was the name Felicia whispered to me right before she died. Thank you."
She nods.
"I thought you might appreciate that I gave Odair to be his last name."
I nod.
"Yes, I do. Thank you Mags."
I did keep an eye on Finnick, although I kept my distance. I watched him grow into a strong healthy boy, and everyday he reminded me more and more of Felicia. He inherited her beauty to, and I watched him get teased for it. His life wasn't easy, but I know if anyone knew the truth, his life would be much harder.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
I ask quietly, looking into his grey eyes, my green ones moist with unshed tears.
"I couldn't, I had to protect you."
My fingers lightly run over the birth mark on my forehead. Bruce rubs his eyes, sighing.
"I'm sorry Finnick, I never intended to tell you. It's just going to complicate things."
I look up surprised.
"You were never going to tell me the truth?"
He shakes his head.
"It would have been for the best, now you know my secret. You are my secret, no one must ever know, not even Annie. Understood? It would only put you in danger, and through you, her."
I nod slowly.
"It must have been hard for you, not being able to get to know me, after everything you did for me. You were forced to act like I was a stranger."
He nods.
"But I knew it was to protect you, which has always been my responsibility."
I want to ask him so many questions, but I know he will never answer, the less I know, the better.
"You should get to sleep. Tomorrow, we act toward each other like we always have. Understood?"
I nod slowly, and stand up. He remains sitting, staring at the floor.
"Thank you."
I say quietly, then I walk to the door, and open it. Bruce calls after me.
"Goodnight Finnick."
I walk slowly back to my bedroom on the train, and slip in quietly. Annie is still sleeping soundly, and I pull the covers up around her shoulders.
I lie in bed for a while, thinking over everything Bruce has just told me.
I know the truth now, he's the closest thing to family I have. He loved my mother. My mother wasn't some girl pregnant out of wedlock that abandoned me. She loved me, and she wanted me. Mags knows the truth about me to, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be alive. It seems I owe Mags and Bruce debts that can not be repaid, as well as the doctor who smuggled me out of the arena.
I fall asleep with the thought of Bruce and my mother. They were friends, just like Annie and I.
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